I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
