New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
