There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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