honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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