So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
