Screwed.edu
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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