Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
