Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
