fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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