Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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