please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
