I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
