I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Still dying that you shit outside
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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