Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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