Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
