im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
