I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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