put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
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