party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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