I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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