That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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