I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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