I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
