When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
