My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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