She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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