Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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