I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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