I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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