Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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