If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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