I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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