Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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