I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
