im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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