Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
