I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
