Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
