you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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