This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
