saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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