she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
did i just pee glitter
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
