We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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