Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize