Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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