At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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