my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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