If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
