OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
