The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
