Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
