Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
