I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
