WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
