We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
