I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
