wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Randomize