I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
