shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
