zippers are such a cool invention
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
