just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
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Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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