he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My ass is underappreciated
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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