your room smells of hookers.
And success
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Randomize