He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
