I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
