There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hippo gnu deer
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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