anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize