You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
