Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i don't like sucking hair
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i drank out of a bidet.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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