I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
