we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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