I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm both gender and math confused
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
