At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
